A light in the darkness

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Taking my first steps towards the here and now, the place where the sacred meets the everyday, I first came across the obstacle of my own shadow – all the bits of myself that I would prefer to keep in the dark and unacknowledged.

The only way to encounter the subtle life of the sacred, though, is to soften my defences against that shadow self. I have to embrace her and love her as part of who I am. When the walls I have built fall away, I come home to the sacred present.

But over the last week something else has become clear to me. When you let down your defences, not only do you make room for your own shadow, but for the darkness out there in the world as well. And it hasn’t been an easy week.

The terror attacks in Paris and the immediate violent retaliation by France unsettled me. So did the disappearance of a Facebook friend – police have been looking for two weeks now – and a dear friend’s sudden bereavement. All of those things made me feel raw and vulnerable.

So much so that I did something I haven’t done for a very long time: I avoided my morning meditation practice. I knew that these things would come up to be looked at, to be felt, and I didn’t want to see or feel them.

It took me a few days to get back to my regular spot in the garden. The weather had turned from still to windy, and so had the weather in my mind. Death came looking over my shoulder. Death that Nature brings, and the death that we humans bring to each other. She is a challenging companion.

Unfortunately, when you become transparent, when you become one with the present moment, what is there is not always peace and beauty. What we meet in the present moment can be ugly and difficult. Even more so when we come face to face with the evil we humans are capable of.

The only way I know to deal with this is to hold it in love. Much like I hold my shadow self. Because, when I come to the present moment, to the sacred here and now, I become one with the world. So all this ugliness becomes part of me, of my Greater Self. And like the shadow side of my limited individual self, it needs to be loved.

I have often heard it said that there are only two emotions: love and fear. And we can always choose between them. One of them leads has the potential to heal and to shine a light in the darkness. The other just makes more darkness. So really, there is only one choice.

My choice is to return to the present moment, and to fill it with love to the extent I can. I don’t know if that makes any difference to the big picture. But it’s the only way I have to bring the sacred to the violence and the darkness that meets me here and now, today. And nothing needs it more.

Image by flegmatik95 on pixabay.com

3 thoughts on “A light in the darkness

  1. Hum… I am going through a “darkness” time of knowing myself and my shadow self as well. But why the darkness has to be the evil and violence and not a place of peace? Why do we have to look at our shadow as being negative? The death is also a process of transformation and our shadow, our darkness, is the main driving force of our motivation. If we were all pure and light we would have no reason to exist or drive to be better and transform us.
    I am allowing to sink into the darkness, allowing myself to cry, to feel alone, to despair and go deeper and deeper as I know somewhere at some point this will lead me into peace and acceptance of myself and the world around me.

    These are the times to allow your body and your soul to die to one day be born again renewed.

    Maria*

    1. I completely agree with you, Maria. I am using ‘darkness’ here in the sense of the old cultural cliche that we all grew up with.
      Darkness, and our shadow, and all of that, is not necessarily negative. But the difficult parts of myself, and of our humanity, are uncomfortable. One of my immediate reactions is to draw away from them. The point I’m trying to get across is that drawing away is actually a bad decision. We need to spend time with all of that and give it love.
      The darkness can be a place of peace once we’ve accepted it and embraced it. While we’re still resisting, drawing away and putting up defences, it’s mostly a place of fear and anxiety. I’m still working on getting past that bit.

      1. Oh sorry didn’t understand we were coming from the same perspective. As Wendy Rule said in her workshop about darkness there is no glamours way of facing our shadows, even when embracing, accepting and giving love is still difficult, scary and uncertain.
        May the reassurance of once you go as far down as you can get there is only one way, and that is up give you the strength to face your fears! At least is what I tell myself…

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